Psychological pain for too long is neither healthy for the person nor for the environment. One must take time out to understand what is it that hurts within. If there is more than one reason, then segregate them and explore their roots. Only the person that is hurting knows where it hurts and what is it that hurts.
Generally reasons for long term pain are (a) Loss and (b) Anger and (c) both Loss and Anger. Loss can be of a dear one, job or material/property. Anger can be towards a dear one, a perceived enemy or even towards God.
When dealing with Loss, while we lament on what is gone, it is important to also focus on what we still have and build on our strengths. For example, if a woman has lost her family in the war, she must focus on her life, her skills (teaching, embroidery, cooking, gardening, etc), her beliefs, religious values, family and friends that are left behind, and governmental/non-governmental assistance available, if any. Focusing on what we still have in the present situation helps us to move forward.
While dealing with anger, the following steps are helpful:
A. Try to find out the origin of it. When did it all started, who is responsible for it, why does it still bother me, does this anger stop me from doing things that are good/important to/for me? Look for clear answers, they are right there inside us.
B. Another important step is to stop feeling guilty for the mistakes we might have made in the process.
C. Forgive all those who are/were responsible for what happened to us or to our dear one. This is the most difficult thing to do and it may take a long time. Start slowly, cry if we have to, tears will help cleaning us from within. Forgiving will liberate us from the chains that anger binds us with.
D. Smile to the newly found freedom, enjoy it and explore the new path that awaits us.
Both Loss and Anger, require us to focus on our strengths, our skills, our family and friends and choose the best way to move on. We must have a couple of plans based on the resources and the choices we may have, in case one plans doesn't work we must have another option.
Moving forward with your head high is the key! From today on, take charge of your steps and start with small steps!
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